So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize