I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
