All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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