i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
