I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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