wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
