Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
