i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh god it's open bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
