Just fell off a train. Bad.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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