You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize