then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
