Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize