I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Ketchup is God's man juice
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
