If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
