The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
