how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
