Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
