apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my poor anus
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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