i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
