do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
