I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
