I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
