My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize