Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
