how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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