Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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