My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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