I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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