Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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