It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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