i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
