if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
