Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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