Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
