why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
