I want to have your abortion
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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