I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
