Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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