Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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