am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
