I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
that is very illegal...i love you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
