I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
