the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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