If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize