So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
did i just pee glitter
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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