Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
