The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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