I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
