You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
