when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
