I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
