when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
