guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
