you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
