All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
