1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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