Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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