OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize