Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
