I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize