Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
