this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
