It's Friday. Sex?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize