Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
