Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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