i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
