I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
