she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
