Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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