I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
