there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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