You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize