I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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