Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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