drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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