I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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