Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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