moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
