he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
