Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
