You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Holy shit dude........stairs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
