She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
