I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
