I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
