I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
