and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
