Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize