i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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