while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
