You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
