That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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