Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pooping to opera.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
