whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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