Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
