He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
