I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
