There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
