Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
